PLEASE READ MY COVER LETTER AND HELP FIX IT ?

Question

I graduated Uni. I’m trying to apply for HR Internships. Here is my cover letter...if it’s terrible then how would you re-write it?

Dear Sir/Madam
I am writing to enquire about whether there is an opportunity volunteer as a HR Assistant at [....]. I have attached my CV for your consideration.I graduated University of Westminster with a 2:1 in Business Management and Human Resources. In addition to my degree, I interned at Food Cycle Charity as a HR Assistant. I assisted the HR Manager with a wide variety of administrative duties such as screening CV’s, setting up interviews, conducting background checks, maintaining staff files, updating the office diary, ordering stationery and organising induction days.My experience at Food Cycle helped me to develop a variety of skills such as communicating clearly and confidently, handling a wide variety of tasks, meeting tight deadlines, improving my organisational capabilities and I have learnt to work under pressure. I am very keen to further my career in Human Resources with a strong desire to build upon my skills and develop new competencies. With my previous experience, I believe I can start actively contributing to the HR department.I am available to start my internship as soon as possible. I would like to intern 3 full days a week from Wednesday - Friday and I would like my travel and lunch covered. Thank you for taking the time to read my CV and cover letter. I look forward to meeting with you to discuss my application further. 

Answer 1

inquire, not enquire.. opportunity to volunteer. as AN HR assistant. comma after the word capabilities. Instead of competencies use the word skills. Put the word immediately after contributing to the HR department. I am available to start my internship immediately.

Answer 2

Travel and lunch covered...good luck with that.  A charity may offer something like that for an unpaid internship....or even for staff...but that is not common in the For Profit Business world. 



Pretty much everything on your cover letter actually goes on your CV...where you worked previously and your job duties.  You state that you reviewed CVs...so you should have seen what they look like...



Whats with the focus on Charities?  Are you applying for actual jobs too?  Try bigger companies who might have training programs.  

Answer 3

No way is a company going to fund your travel and lunch, you don't choose the days you are going to work they will tell you.

Not a good start.

UK

Answer 4

If an internship is available at a company, they will also generally have set hours and available remuneration.



So you may be better off waiting to see what these are, rather than ruling yourself out because they want a full time intern, or need you to work Monday.

Answer 5

Reality is you have graduated University and any employer would be expecting you to be looking for a paid full time job...so getting that letter asking for 3 days, unpaid, your expectations.......it shows inflexability and 'what you beleive' is not fact, employers want what you did, how you did it and what the results were and they will wonder why you have already done voluntary HR work and not been taken on or got a HR job via networking at other HR events...so there will be no uptake to discuss further



Your CV has jobs paid/voluntary and skills/tasks performed, your cover letter sells you and at University there are student services part of their job is to help you prepare a great CV and cover letter so you can get a job....