my friend needs a reality check?

Question

This is the opening to the cover letter he sent:

I have been running for office since I was elected
president of my 7th grade class and my career plan is to
hold elected office in government.

I am willing to postpone my plans for graduate school to
work in your campaign and gain the experience I will need
to be successful in my own future campaigns.

What is wrong with this opening, don’t be subtle either…and what would you have done different in writing it?

Answer 1

Generally employers do not want to hear about what you want to do in the future but what you can do for them right now. Your friend needs to reign himself in. It's great he wants to be president someday but how is that relevent to the person who's supposed to hire him?



He's much better off staying away from his life ambitions and discussing directly what he can do for the campaign, how hard he will work and the rewards he will feel by working on said campaign.



Also, I don't recommend ever saying you'll postpone school for someone else. That sounds more desparate than earnest. Rather, remember it's no one's business what you do with your own time. It's only important for your prospective employer to know that you will be dedicated and not let anything get in the way of your work. How you manage that isn't important to them, nor should you just offer information like that.



Think of a cover letter and a resume as trying to get a date. You want the person you're interested in to be intrigued but you don't want to show em everything you've got. Let them want to ask you questions and keep them interested.

Answer 2

the 1st paragraph isn't so hot. it's good to have a strong start, but i don't know if i like it very much.

i would use the 1st P to talk about various positions he's held in office.

then, 2nd P is no good about postpone grad school. stay positive. he sounds like he's guilting them into a job. he needs to focus on why he wants this position...what it can do for him and the campaign.

3rd P should be about himself as a person. things he's done outside of office that he can bring to the table. like volunteering or special interests that can relate to the candiate's platform.



hope that was what you were looking for.

tell him GOOD LUCK.

Answer 3

it sounds desperate the whole "I am willing to postpone my plans for graduate school to work in your campaign" just go to school and postpone the campain work...thats what i would do because if the campain doesnt come through then there goes grad school so youll be screwed either way