Can you make this cover letter better for me (applying for a job)?

Question

Dear Sir/Madam

I am writing to you in response to the advertisement on your website regarding the above vacancy. Ted Baker is renowned as one of most fast growing British brands with profit these days. Especially after an interview with your merchandising director related to a dissertation, my interests in your company has been deepened.

My interests are focused on a buying role developing and delivering the product range through negotiations and influencing the brand’s product strategy. In spite of challenging fashion environment with workload, variations on the process of product development have always given me excitement and passion.

I am sure that my qualifications and skills could fulfill your requirements in three aspects;
Firstly, I worked for three years in a Korean wholesale agent which liaised with Wal-Mart U.S.A and Williams Dickies. This previous experience in sourcing, product development and quality control enabled me to communicate and negotiate efficiently with diverse business partners.

Secondly, I successfully finished fashion related academic courses in the UK including a master’s degree. During these courses, I got excellent marks on finance and marketing subjects and developed analytic skills which are essential to anticipate the needs of the customers.

Lastly, I am accustomed to retail operation system through shop floor experience and have presented excellent customer service. I was selected as the best employee of the month and was offered to work in a merchandising team of French Connection from this January.

I have enclosed my CV highlighting my skills and motivations for your reference.
Please do not hesitate to contact me with further questions.

Yours faithfully,

Answer 1

It's a very good letter, but I think it's a little lengthy for a cover letter. I very well could be wrong because it's an entirely different industry than I'm used to working with, but here's what I would do. Your mileage may vary.



The first paragraph reads a little awkwardly. Try this:



"I am writing to you in response to the advertisement on your website regarding the above position. My interest in the company goes back to a dissertation for which I interviewed your merchandising director, not to mention Ted Baker is renowned as one of fastest growing British brands with profit these days."



I also suggest putting your qualifications in relation to their advertised needs before stating where your interests lay. The detail may not be necessary, better to reference your enclosed CV and that you would appreciate the opportunity to discuss them in greater detail. Close with you're confident that you will be an asset to their organization, and if they have any questions or would like additional information about you, education, skills, experience, blah, blah, please do not hesiate to contact you.

Answer 2

Yes. Cover letters are a great way to introduce yourself to an employer. But don't put any information that would be on your application. Be brief, but three paragraphs is norm. Only one page. The first paragraph, you should introduce yourself and why you want this job. The second would briefly tell how you are experienced (without too much detail - something like, "I've worked in programming for 8 years"), and what you have done to get where you are (briefly like, "I've taken several programming courses and worked my way up the ladder"), the third one should wrap everything up ("I hope that I am the person that you are looking for filling this position. I am looking forward to working with your company and I thank you for your consideration"). Be brief, but wordy, not "listy" (listing occupations or anything like that). This is your opportunity to talk, not to list achievements. Give them a look inside you... like a mini-interview.

Answer 3

The world wide web is increasing at an exponential charge and hundreds or men and women and businesses launch even 1000's of new websites each and every single day so this indicates there is an rising demand for freelance writers to produce content material for these internet sites.

Answer 4

Second line > Ted Baker is renowned as one of the fastest growing, profitable British brands. My interview with your Merchandising Director, related to a dissertation, has had a profound impact and has deepened my interest in your company. >

Difficult to do for others. see what you think. capital letters for Merchandising Director. All in all you have done a good job.

Answer 5

My first thought is that this is too long to be a cover letter. See if you can shorten it. Use bullet points for your three skills, and shorten those paragraphs (the full info, should be in your cv).



First paragraph: Ted Baker..."brands with profit" is clumsy.

Instead of "Especially after", say, following.



Second para: Remove second sentence.



Use bullet points for the three following paragraphs.



Best of luck.

Answer 6

2

Answer 7

1

Answer 8

try to reduce it more but keep all the score points in.